I've Had a Change of Heart...

In my recent adventures of riding the couch on the digital highway of the boobtube, I came across a little gem. The funny part is it came from one of the unlikeliest of sources. If you had told me at any point in the past that anything having to do with Jamie Kennedy, yes the former prankster and stand-up comic, would produce anything, let alone a compelling documentary that would actually challenge and force me to reevaluate my world-view, than I would have told you you were full of shit. With that said, check out his documentary Heckler.

Just about every post on this blog consists of myself ripping apart some poor schmuck's blood and sweat-soaked work, albeit i still believe every brutal word I've written, however who the fuck am I to say anything and why should anyone care? In his documentary, Kennedy sets out on his personal trek to analyze "Hecklers", why they heckle, and blatantly states why exactly no one should give a shit what they have to say about anyone with the balls to actually put themselves in front of the firing squad of a tough audience. By the end I found myself, especially as an aspiring artist myself, feeling guilty and a little ashamed.

I may not like his brand of comedy, but he does have the balls to get up on stage and face the hecklers every night, while I have yet to publish or produce anything of value. Interviewing dozens of other entertainers, they all shared their horror stories and many of them ended by saying the same basic thing. The only person who can heckle someone else without recourse, and this by definition would not even be heckling, at least not in my book, would be someone that has the balls to do the same thing as the one they are "heckling" yet unequivocally does it better.

I guess I should have done more positive reviews to round out the blog. I never intended this to be another dime-a-dozen movie review blog anyway. If that was my goal than I could have just joined Rotten Tomatoes.

Anyway, enough of that. I'm back to do more regular blogging with more positivity hopefully.

Sidenote: If the thought of Billy Crudup with a big neon blue CGI cock tickles your fancy then go check out Watchmen out on DVD and Blue-Ray today. Oh yea, and it's a pretty good comicbook/pseudo super-hero story too...

Muahahaha...

I knew that Wizard magazine would not fail me. According to the latest issue, Iron Man is the greatest comic book movie of all time and not The Dark Knight, Ha! I told everyone the same thing but all you bat teet sucklers didn't believe me. I know this is one magazine's opinion but I'm sorry, Iron Man was in fact a better movie. Robert Downey Jr. nailed that role while Christian Bale could never live up to Micheal Keaton or Kevin Conroy (or Heath Ledger or Aaron Eckhart for that matter).

Also if you remember a few issues back, they also named the greatest 200 characters of all time(not having to do with the movies, but rather the actual source material) and Batman was also number 2, coming in just behind Wolver-fucking-ine! I love it.

And on that note, the world is not spinning quite out of control as I thought...

It has come to my attention...

...thanks to a friend and the fact that he is one of the four people that actually read this blog, that a very slight typo in the url will take you to a site completely different in subject matter. Considering the subject matter of the other site and certain things I've said on this blog, I find it very interesting and ironic to say the least.

I won't go into the great depth to which I find this hysterical but it is very funny to me in almost a "creepy" kind of way. I have no idea how long this other site has been up but the words "Big Brother" and "Homeland Security" come to mind. I'm not anyone special and certainly don't claim to be a threat to anyone's ideals but take a look for yourself.

http://nerdcynicism.blogpsot.com

Make note that the title of my blog at least makes somewhat sense to the subject matter and the same title for the other site has nothing to do with the subject matter. Can anyone say "Fa-Ree-Kee"?

Anyway the title of my blog will remain in tact but the url is now http://joshworkman.blogspot.com

Dawson's Creek With Fangs

So unless you've been living under a rock for the last year or so, I'm sure you've heard of a little book (and very soon to be released film) called Twilight. My girlfriend, my sister, many of their girlfriends and about 1 in every 3 females I see in any given public area is either reading this book or has read it several times and is obsessed with it. Notice the lack of mentioning of any males in that last statement.

So at the risk of being crucified by several of my close loved ones, I just wanna say that if you're a teenage girl or in need of a new Dawson's Creek-esque fix and don't mind some fangs thrown into the mix, than this is for you. However if you are not a teenage girl that daydreams about hunky, chisel-chinned dreamboats than this is gonna offer little to you.

Being a vampire story enthusiast myself (Anne Rice and Joss Whedon's stuff specifically) I was immediately skeptical when asked to read it months ago. What really pushed me from never wanting to read it was looking at the demographic. The vast majority of who I see reading these books are quite frankly, girls that seem invested in shows like the aforementioned Dawson's Creek, were most likely home-schooled, and believe in fairy tale love stories. So I have to ask myself the question: What do I have in common with these girls? Answer: Absolutely nothing.

So after making a bet with someone I am currently reading through it. I will say that Stephanie Meyer is a very good writer. She has a decent style on to herself. However, the ranting of a puppy lovesick angsty teen and the perfection that is her Vampire knight is really just not for me. There's also a completely made-up vampire mythology without offering up an origin story and I really don't like that.

Meanwhile check out the trailers for the film; what do you see? A bunch of pretty young white people you've never heard of and can't act right? I'm thinking, The Covenant 2: The Glittery Vampires Attack the Emo Girl in Seattle. I think my title is a lot better.

I'm sure it'll have a good opening weekend and the horde of readers will buy it on DVD too. Be on the lookout for my new romantic comedy about a high school student that falls in love with the Bride of Frankenstein coming out next summer, Reanimated Love...

To Be Heard, Or Not To Be Heard

It has occurred to me that as we approach the upcoming election that a certain question has been percolating in my head for awhile now. That is, does any and everyone's one single vote actually matter?

Given the state of things, it is pretty clear that we do not in fact live in a system in which anyone can run and hope to win any office let alone the presidency. The sad truth is we live in a two party system and no one non Democrat or Republican has a fighting chance. Currently it looks as though Obama is set to win, and although I guess I would consider him the lesser of two evils yet again, I would prefer a Ron Paul in the White House looking out for me. I do believe it is one's right and responsibility to vote and to be heard, but with a lack of choices it makes the process painful and seemingly pointless at times.

Also, looking back on the events of the 2000 and 2004 elections, it would seem a man given the right resources can buy the presidency even when they very plainly lose the election. And if you throw in the Electoral College process and its complete lack of adherence to speaking accurately for the people, it makes me wonder.

And so again I ask, do our votes really matter?

I'm Blue, How 'Bout You?

Dear Red States:

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. It may even include Florida and Ohio, they are seriously considering it. We've given them until Nov. 4th to decide. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country. Since we're dropping the middle states we're calling it United America, or simply the U.A.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. You can take Ted Nugent. We're keeping Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel. You get WorldCom. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get Ole' Miss. We get Harvard and 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms, and the highest concentration of pregnant unwed teenagers. Please be aware that the U.A. will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, really we do, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. We'd rather spend it on taking care of sick people, and educating our children.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy Redies believe you are people with higher morals then we Bluies..

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States



Now I'm not claiming to have written this, but I thought it was worth sharing. And for all you "Reds" out there, go ahead and do your usual fact skewing, but it is unfortunately (for you) all true. God bless America...

Agent Double – O – Snore

So is it just me or is it way overdue for James Bond to hang up his gun? I mean seriously, even if his gadget buddy has been sneaking him some kind of anti-aging formula over the past 40 years or so, you’d think he wouldda caught at least one STD and fathered a string of illegitimate children all across Europe by now. Not to mention the Cold War has been over for how long?

I only mention this because I saw the preview for the newest one coming up and quite frankly I’m still recovering from that last one.

So in the last one, they did a pseudo re-launch of the series. It’s his first mission as a “OO”, but it’s present day. So he’s a spy in present day non-Cold War, and all the same characters (mostly played by the same actors as well) are there too. So Bond doesn’t get any older, but his colleagues do, even when they re-launch the series, confused yet?

Here’s a rundown of the last film. Bond chases some dude through Africa, insert big crazy ridiculous stunts. Then he chases some dude through an airport somewhere in Europe, insert more big crazy ridiculous stunts. Then he’s on a boat or in some hotel or something playing Poker in some other distant corner of the earth, and yes to answer your question this is all somehow connected. And if I remember correctly I’m pretty sure there was an invisible car (which became invisible somehow involving built in cameras and mirrors) in there somewhere.

The funny part is if you watch the last few bond films it becomes apparent that he either needs to put on a cape or start fighting vampire ninjas. That would make the films make more sense.

Also, I don’t know if this ad is playing in all the theaters right now, but apparently if you’re Kidd Rock then you can make a song about “warriors” and just splice together scenes of soldiers playing with children in Iraq, Nascar racing, and lots of flags and then you just automatically become the biggest baddest patriot this side of the trailer park…