The Good Book and the Wide-Eyed Shoppkeepe

What is it about stupid people and their stupid assumptions?

Yesterday I went to the local bookstore to pick-up something for a friend's birthday, found what I was looking for, and then decided to try and enlist the help of one of the employees in at the very least steering me in the right direction. What a mistake that was.

Let me start off by saying, I'm not one of those assholes that goes into any restaurant, mall store, or coffee shop and decides to piss all over "the help" to make myself feel superior. No no no, I despise people that do that. I worked for many years in both retail and the service industry so I consider myself sensitive to that matter. And I just believe in basic human decency. But, with that said, it really takes all of my inner strength to fight the urge to not verbally abuse those wonderful people you meet on a daily basis that are truly ignorant and incompetent.

Here's what I was looking for (and I have to say this subject matter has always fascinated me, yet I've never made the time to explore it further). I was looking for a some type of referential or historical text that gives insight into the history of the bible. Not a bible, or a book full of bible studies, but a history of the bible, preferably from a non-Christian author.

The first woman points me towards, you guessed it, the bible section. And let me tell you, there were a whole lot of bibles there. I asked her again and tried to clarify. This time she led me to the "Christian Inspiration/Bible Study" section. So I gave up on her. So I went and found a different guy (he looked like a semi-liberal hippy type). Holy shit was I wrong. I proceeded to debate with him what I meant, and he proceeded to tell me that the bible was in fact a history book, the only history book, and actually that he didn't even understand my question. So I gave up on him.

The third woman I tried a different tactic. I told her about how a few years ago when the Da Vinci Code was insanely popular all the major chain bookstores had entire tables of referential type books of something similar to what I was looking for ranging from the Templars vs. the Assassins, to the true life of Mary Magdalen, to the lost gospels of Jesus Christ. I told her to point me in that direction and I would just look for myself. She searched on her computer (all while rolling her eyes and pounding the keys) and then walked me over to the "New Age" section where she pointed me to the Satanic Bible. She then declared, "This is the closest thing we have, now is there anything else?"

I had to control my laughter and contempt all at once. I didn't know how to react within my own body. So I thanked her and just flipped through the Satanic Bible for a few seconds. I didn't even know they had it at major chain stores. This was it for her, in her mind if it wasn't the bible then it was the Satanic bible. Wow.

But I have to admit, it did make me feel proud to be an American...

Batman: The Grey Squire (at best)

I'm not one to hate something mainstream just for the sake of going against the grain, but I am known amongst my circle of friends and co-workers to hate certain things that everyone else seems to love, but never without reason. With that said, Batman is one of the lamest super heroes of all time.

I know I know, sacrilege right? But I have to ask why? What makes him so fucking great? Seriously. I know he's popular, much further beyond the source material than most comic book heroes. He has lots of movies, toys, and memorabilia, but a truly great character that does not make him; simply a very well marketed cash cow. Let me tell you why most of you out there are all wrong about this very undeveloped character.

Let's go back to the beginning. Young boy's parents are killed by a mugger (who may or may not be a pre-Joker Joker depending on which story you follow), stays bitter for years and years, grows up through the rich kid, pretty boy, privileged elite system, dons a cape and mask to fight crime in a deeper and darker pseudo New York, all while having no super powers whatsoever (unless you consider a super charged bank account a super power). All that would be fine and dandy for a B-list Silver Age Hero, but not the all-powerfully invincible force DC and Hollywood has turned him into.

My problem in a nutshell with Batman as a character is that he is completely undeveloped, and everyone simply excepts this undeveloped perfection because he's so "badass". Let's run through his skill set. He's the best detective in the world, the best ninja in the world, he inexplicably has a super gadget for any and all situations (while also always having the foresight to always know which gadget to bring at what time), a genius scientist, a genius businessman, and in better physical shape then any other "normal" human on the planet, and is able to juggle his fortune and heal from his nightly outtings all on about an hour of sleep every night. Uhhhh....what the fuck?

My issue is that no powers equals total bullshit. Trust me, I know this is all fictional but the most common argument I hear is that people love Batman because of his lack of power, in effect he is what anyone could be, that he doesn't have the luxury of being Superman or the Green Lantern. Yet if you follow DC's major events or simply watch all of the movies and cartoon shows, he always seems to come out totally unscathed no matter how perilous the odds are. All on no powers, he's just that crafty. And again I ask how? What the fuck could make him so awesome that something could wipe out the whole Justice League but could make them all sigh in relief as he arrives with his Bat-O-Inexplicably-Save-The-Day-Rang just in the nick of time, every time?

At what point exactly did he become such a great detective/ninja/gadgeteer/etc in his early life? It's fucking ridiculous, the background is just not there. Maybe he took a decade long trip to China and recieved training while he was attending business school, or spent another decade mentoring with the FBI while he was at the office expanding the Wayne business empire, anyone? But again, its all just accepted with no problems and that's my problem. His marketing department is very steady with his periodic explanationless expansion in skill set. Just wait, in no time at all he'll be morphing into a giant mutant man-bat, casting magic spells, and astral projecting all over the place, and just as timely as ever, the legion of fans suckling at his bat teet will all agree that it all makes perfect sense simply because "he's Batman and he just kicks ass".

Well I say nay...

It's My First Time, Be Gentle...

So after spending the last several years or so, having an often long and gratuitous dialogue with myself, usually in the car while stuck in traffic, it dawned on me that I could simply type these things out and not have the painful itch of wondering if I am in fact crazy. A friend once told me that there is a difference between talking to yourself and commenting to yourself. I thought about that and I guess that's true. I don't actually talk to myself as if I'm another person. I simply express long-winded diatribes about whatever the hell's on my mind. Now I suppose it wouldn't be ballzy at all to have a few others leave their comments on my thoughts without the risk of me actually having to discuss, debate, and defend my opinions, but I invite any and everyone to to contradict my opinion at every turn. And I promise, that's what I will bring to this, my opinion. I can't promise that my opinions will always be fully informed, but goddamnit this is America, and I aim to follow suit.

I have appropriately titled this Nerd Cynicism because that is exactly what it will be, the rantings of a film fanatical, music loving, comic-book reading, videogame playing, anime loving, pseudo-tech savvy, 20-something that has much to say about whatever crops up into my noggin. After you read my next entry (which I have already begun writing) you will understand better. I guess I'll throw some current events, politics, and general happenings in here from time to time, but mostly this is going to be angry nerd stuff from an angry nerd. I'll never be relenting or apologetic about what I say but I would love more than anything to have an open dialogue with anyone (especially if they disagree with me, and I'm sure many will) as long as they retort with something other than kneejerk "you're wrong" type remarks. Hit me with it, everything you've got, just so long as you are inteligent, eloquent, and open to the idea that you may in fact be wrong. I promise to do the same.

I should also warn that I tend to often disagree with the majority, make references a little too inside for the masses, and frequently use naughty words like fuck, shit, and douchebag. But again, I'm warning everyone out there ahead of time. But enough of this foreplay bullshit...